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Thursday, January 23, 2014

The experimental school

I can't write fiction, it seems, but there's no harm in trying to tell a little story in a poem, is there, between friends? So (once again) I had a little phrase, also a (very little) idea and a song floating around, too. I've been wanting to write something (more) about the snow, there's something moody about the it -- and scary about the cold. I think the cold will kill us faster than the heat in summer. Me anyway. But that's not part of this story.

So, something about the snow and maybe the cold and this song that won't go away. And something Ray-ish about it -- not presumptively, of course, nothing close to Ray, but just that ordinary small part, just people doing stuff. And hey you know one time I tried to write flash fiction and failed, but it was a fun little thing to write and the reason I know I failed is because I got a very, very nice little critique email back from the site I submitted it to telling me so, it came so many months after I submitted it that I'd forgotten all about it and I don't know if that made the failure better or worse. But anyway: I already told you about how much I like the flashy parts.

I'm going to show you two drafts, just for fun, because your narrator is trying to decide which way to go with it. Definitely something that needs some distance so if you're very lucky or very unlucky whichever maybe we'll see a third draft.

In Today's Forecast

You made coffee
I got dressed
morning was
still night.
You looked out
the window. I watched
the news. You said
I’m leaving. I
said fine. The
day turned gray
and was shitty
before it started. I
didn’t cry. You
walked out
into the 100%
chance of a
thin, mean
morning snow.

In Today's Forecast 

He made coffee
she got dressed
morning was
still night.
He looked out
the window. She watched
the news. He said
I’m leaving. She
said fine. The
day turned gray
and was shitty
before it started. She
didn’t cry. He
grabbed a suitcase
and walked out
into the 100%
chance of a
thin, mean
morning snow.


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