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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

365 Poems: Preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse (including fashion & makeup tips)

Day 302

Count me in on an apocalypse
of any kind that includes Brad Pitt
It's Halloween week and that means only one thing here at Casa CathyBlogs: Preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse.

1. Start drinking. Alcohol is a preservative. Zombie-ism is rife with decay. Keep yourself looking good longer with drink. May I suggest hard cider? It's totally keeping with the season.

2. Choose your fashion carefully and sensibly. Zombies do not change clothes; whatever you're wearing at the time of your infection is it. So your ensemble must not only be attractive but also sturdy. Keep in mind the fade-ability of certain textiles, particularly cottons. I suggest wearing long sleeves; let's keep those arms attached to our bodies as long as possible. Under Armor may accomplish this. Skinny jeans are a very good choice; the fade-factor is actually fashionable, they're sturdy, and can keep those leg joints tight. Sketchers are a good shoe choice for cuteness AND good traction.

3. Makeup. Obviously we can't go around all week with NO make-up. The answer: Beach makeup -- made to withstand sun, sand, wind, and neglect. In good news, the zombies I've seen do not seem too concerned with facial care. You might want to invest in some Breath Rites and keep your nose a little longer.

4. Hair: This is a problem. Most of our hairstyles are pretty high maintenance and zombies won't have access to the high-tech styling equipment we need. It may be the time to go for that cute short 'do you've been contemplating. Ponytails and buns should be considered. This is an area where guys have the advantage. Plus they care less. It's almost like they are zombies already.

5. Cultivate an air of careless and carefree insouciance. Your zombie demeanor will be influenced by your present state of mind. You don't want to be the screaming zombie nobody wants at the Halloween party. You want to be the cool zombie everybody wants a piece of.

6. Run like hell.

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