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Sunday, March 3, 2013

365 Poems: Retreads



Day 62

Today I came across this poetry prompt from We Write Poems:
As a simple experiment write a poem using natural elements and remove the objectifying “the” from in front of the elemental names. Do this in a new poem you write, or even edit an old poem with this simple change.
So I didn't follow the instructions very well. Just for fun, I searched my blog for 'sky' and found this oldie. I remember writing it after driving home down SR14 one evening a couple summers ago. The sky was amazing above Aboite.

 I think it needs much work but there are elements that are okay. I don't particularly like the 'summer-land'; I was trying to convey it was summer without using the kind of flat and tired phrase 'summer sky.' 'Mosaic' and 'sunset colors' are kind of ordinary words and even worse, predictable; I think I like the last two or three lines the best. Might be kind of fun to work on this one:

Throughout the new-night sky

I think I saw Monet
fly high above the summer-land tonight,
Smudging the sliver moon with purple
Leaving a dim smear of light behind.
He blurred the clouds into
a mosaic of sunset colors,
And threw the stars, carelessly,
Throughout the new-night sky.

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