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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Charge of the Shopping Brigade

(Sincere apologies to Alfred Lord Tennyson)

HALF a aisle half a aisle
  Half a aisle onward,
All in the valley of Sales
  Drove the Mitsubishi.
“Forward, the Shopping Brigade!      
Charge for the extra discount!” she cried:
Into the valley of Sales
  Rode the Mitsubishi.

“Forward, the Shopping Brigade!”
Was there a woman confused?      
Not tho’ the sales clerk knew
  Some one had mismarked it:
Theirs not to make bad deals,
Theirs not to pay full price,
Theirs but to shop or die:      
Into the valley of Sales
  Rode the Mitsubishi.

Target to right of them,
Walmart to left of them,
Kohls in front of them      
  Couponed and discounted;
Storm’d at with cart and small children,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of the Mall,
Into the mouth of Best Buy      
  Rode the Mitsubishi.

Flash’d all their charge cards,
Flash’d as they swiped at checkout
Scanning the merchandise there,
Charging a pile of stuff while      
  All the line wonder’d:
Would they ever move again?
Right thro’ the line they broke;
Self-scan and 10 items or less,
Reel’d from the swiping-stroke      
  Battered and dead broke.
Then they rode back, but not
  Not the Mitsubishi.

Toys R Us to right of them,
Old Navy to left of them,      
Bed Bath and Beyond behind them
  Debit carded and check booked;
Accousted with clerk and checker,
While feet in too-tight shoes swell,
They that had shopped so well      
Came thro’ the checkout line of Death,
Back from the mouth of Macy's,
All that was left of the list
  Packed in the Mitsubishi.

When will their energy fade?      
After the wild charges they made!
  All the gifts loaded!
Honor the wishes they fulfilled!
Honor the Shopping Brigade,
  Honor the Shopping Survivors!

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